Earlier in this year I basically halted my business right as it was truly picking up steam. I had grown my client list to a place that I had always dreamed of it being. I was by, all normal standards, gaining great success. But, if that was truly the case, why was I so exhausted and why wasn't I showing up fully? I pushed and pushed and pushed, after all this is what I wanted, I should be grateful. After all I had clients relying on me. But, I became more weak, more sick, and less in the mood to show up.
I then closed up shop. I tried to move most of my clients into the online space. Some did, some didn't, but in the end my business was done. I didn't touch LBB for months. A mixture of health issues, coupled with depression, coupled with thinking I was taking the next step of my journey away from yet another career of mine (let's not forget that I did this with film as well, another passion I am trying to get back into). A PATTERN emerges. Back story- my film career was also finally at the place I had always dreamed it would be. I mean I was on my third FEATURE LENGTH DOCUMENTARY, quite literally what I dreamed of doing. But, I got depressed, and I took a step back from that too. I kept telling myself "what you really want is to be a wildlife conservationist" well, I bailed on that too. But, I know that will be in the cards for me one way or another.
Let's go back in time even further briefly.
Back in the end of 2023 my life changed dramatically. I not only was dealing with a huge shift in my home life, but now my grandmother was sick and I took on a major role caring for her. Instead of dealing with my feelings and what I had going on personally, I was taking care of everyone else. Everything I did for months and months was in the service of others, and I never truly dealt with my own health. Never truly dealt with how I wanted my life to look, now that it was changing so much. I learned the hard way that it's not always about making a dramatic change, that all I had to do was reflect and shift a few things.
Now here I am, nearing the end of 2024, starting my business from, what feels like, scratch. And, I realize that's okay because now I get to build it from the ground up knowing exactly who I am as a trainer, knowing exactly how I want to run my business and knowing that I've already done this all before. The most important thing now, is that I show up for myself first and foremost because when my needs aren't being met, my body is loud about it.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
I wonder,
How loud is your body (colds, pains, aches, etc. what have you noticed)? Have you been listening to it?
I write this post because I know I'm not the only one who has been feeling this immense "lostness" and confusion.
What messages are we missing from our body? What messages are we missing form our higher self?
Journal privately, join my group and talk among your peers, or comment down below... I'd love to discuss this matter further. If you really feel called to do so, join me in a Health History.
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